Running
by Normryl
Summary: They never loved anyone else like they loved each other, but pulling their families world apart so they can be together would be the hardest thing they'd ever have to do. *****Prequel to They Have No Name*****


**Title:** Running  
**Summary:** They never loved anyone else like they loved each other, but pulling their families world apart so they can be together would be the hardest thing they'd ever have to do.  
**Notes**: Based on the amazing 'Run' by Snow Patrol.  
Prequel to 'They Have No Name'.  
**Pairings**: Shawn/Hunter.

_'I'll sing it one last time for you, then we really have to go.  
__You've been the only thing that's right, in all I've done.'_

When he turned round, his eyes were full of sorrow and regret.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I-" His words faltered. He couldn't explain this away though. Not with a quick apology and an excuse. The repercussions of what had happened went further than that.

He wished he knew what the other man was thinking. He was still in the bed they'd shared minutes earlier, covers pulled around him protectively, eyes glazed and staring at something only he found fascinating.

Indecision over what to do gnawed at Hunter as he looked at his torn friend. He felt a stab of guilt at not only his own betrayal of his wife, but what he'd made his best friend become.

Hunter had often confided in Shawn about his occasional marriage woes, but Shawn's marriage by all accounts was solid, built on love, trust and faith. He wasn't sure if what had just happened said more about how far his relationship with Steph had deteriorated or if it meant Shawn and Rebecca's love was some kind of act, however perfectly performed it was.

The only thing he was certain of was that in the last twenty minutes, he'd lost the best friend he ever had.

*

Shawn's eyes cracked open as the sunlight burst through the room as the curtains were whipped open.

"Too early." He mumbled, scrunching his eyes closed again.

"You have to get up." Hunter said. "You've got an early flight." Came the gentle reminder.

Shawn kept his eyes closed and made himself more comfortable in the bed. "C'mon, don't make this any harder." Hunter begged, not sure if he could yet again force the Texan from the bed. He sighed, wishing things were different. "Why do we do this to ourselves?" He asked.

Shawn cracked his eye open a little at Hunter's somewhat sombre tone. "What do you mean?" He asked, sleep heavily lacing his voice still. He wasn't just lazy, he was exhausted.

Hunter came over to the bed and laid across the bottom of it. "Just doing all this. I know what we said, we'd see how we feel about things and being together and not rush into anything and then make the decision."

"So what's the problem?" Shawn asked.

"The problem is I know I love you and every minute we spend together where we can't really be together kills me."

"I know it's hard." Shawn agreed. "But we had to be sure. Once we go out there and commit to this, there's no going back."

"Who wants to go back?" Hunter questioned. "You're still not sure?" His tone didn't accuse.

"Would I be here if I was in doubt?" Shawn reassured. He looked at the time. "Ah, I really do need to go, huh?"

"Yeah." Hunter agreed.

Shawn slowly got out of bed, the aches of the previous days work showing in his aged body. He was getting worn down by the physical toll the job had taken on him over the years. Hunter watched Shawn get out of bed before he realised the older man was now watching him.

"Don't doubt me, Hunter. I wouldn't betray Rebecca and my kids if I wasn't committed to this one hundred percent still." Shawn's words was honest and straight to the point.

"I know." Hunter agreed. Shawn moved closer to him.

"Everything I've ever done that's bettered my life was just to make me a better person, preparing me. Making me good enough for you."

Hunter felt his heart miss a beat. "You've always been good enough for me."

"No I wasn't." Shawn inched closer to Hunter so they were almost touching, and he whispered. "You're the best decision I've ever made."

And with those words, Shawn left Hunter to prepare to return to his family.

_And I can barely look at you but every single time I do,  
__I know we'll make it anywhere, away from here_

The bags were packed and ready to go.

But neither man seemed ready to let the other leave him. Shawn was sat on the bed, Hunter laid next to him, arms encircling his waist, head on his lap, eyes closed. Just enjoying the closeness.

"Hunter..." Shawn started. He needed to go. He'd miss his flight. But he still couldn't bring himself to ask Hunter to release him. He wanted him there, didn't want to feel the coldness that'd be in it's place if Hunter's body was removed from his.

"Can't you catch a later flight?"

"And what do I tell Rebecca?" Shawn said.

Hunter shifted so he could look up at Shawn. "Tell her you love me?"

Shawn couldn't bring himself to look at Hunter right then. He couldn't see that want and need for them to be together and have to refuse it. He felt the same as Hunter, he wanted nothing more than to stay here with him, but now wasn't the time.

"I'm sorry." Hunter said, looking down again. "I don't mean to make this harder."

"It's okay." Shawn said.

"No, it's not." Hunter got off Shawn and released his grip. "You should go. I need to get over to the next town soon anyway."

Shawn got up off the bed, felt the coldness he knew he would with Hunter not by him. He grabbed the handles to his bags, ready to go. His hand rested on the handle as his mind raced through several scenario's in his head. When he came upon the solution to the problem, there was no doubt in him that it was the right thing to do. "When I get home, I'm gonna tell Rebecca."

"Don't be stupid." Hunter said, rebutting Shawn's suggestion even though hearing it was something he'd hoped for. They'd agreed they'd let their relationship develop first, just in case it wasn't what they thought it was. But the four months seemed to be far too long now they were living like this. Still, Hunter wasn't keen on breaking that idea unless he was sure it was what they both wanted.

"I'm not being stupid. Four months is what we said. I know it's been two, but you said yourself earlier that you already know what you want. I do too. And the longer we keep doing this, the harder it'll be to tell the truth. I don't want to do it. We have to do it. We can be together properly. Doing this- sneaking around together and catching moments here and there, I hate it. Once we get past this, I know everything will be fine. We'll be happy."

"You really want this? To do it now?" Hunter questioned, even though the strength in Shawn's words was enough to convince him he spoke the truth.

"More than I want to do anything else."

_To think I might not see those eyes, makes it so hard not to cry.  
__And as we say our long goodbye, I nearly do._

Leaving the hotel had suddenly become so important.

It was going to be the start of something new for them, but the end of their relationships as well. It was huge. The fact they both had children was also hard.

"Have you thought about what you're gonna say?" Hunter asked

"I don't know, I just figure I'd tell her the truth and that's it. What about you?"

"Well, I know I'm gonna take her somewhere quiet and private because it's Steph and I can almost hear the tantrum she's gonna have now."

"It's kinda understandable though. We're the ones in the wrong."

"I guess." Hunter agreed.

"But that's the worst of it then. Once we've told them-" Shawn let the words trail off.

"You realise next time we see each other, everything'll be ready for us to just go for it."

"Yeah." Shawn said. He took the thought in.

This really was everything that they'd wanted, and they'd be able to have it. The only problem was that they still had to tell their partners and Shawn felt conflicted by the idea of it. He wanted to be honest with Rebecca and to be free to live with Hunter. But he knew his revelation would hurt her, and confuse his children. He didn't even want to think about how it would affect him besides from that. He wasn't worried about his immediate families reaction, but his church, his pastor- they'd be bound to have a strong opinion on it. He knew that once he came out, he couldn't go back there, even though he didn't want to cut the ties that bound him to church.

Hunter saw the deep thought Shawn was in. "What?" He asked.

"I was just thinking about life once we've told everyone."

"It's gonna be the best thing we ever did."

"Can I ask you something?" Shawn queried.

"Of course you can."

"Obviously we're not going to hide our relationship from people that are close to us, but otherwise, we're not going to be out there publicising it to the world right?"

"Pretty much." Hunter agreed.

"You don't think both of us breaking up with our wives on the same day might make it a little obvious?"

"I never thought about that." Hunter admitted, grimly. "So what do we do?"

Shawn thought about it some more. "I need to tell Rebecca. I can't keep lying. Do you think you can wait to tell Steph?"

"I'm not looking forward to telling her anyway, so yeah, I can keep up the lie." Hunter said.

"Do you think you'll be okay with everyone linking us together? I mean, once I've broke up with Steph, people might start assuming things."

"Well, I think once we move in together it'll be even more obvious, but that's their problem, not ours. I really, really have to go now, Hunter."

"I know."

_Light up, light up, as if you have a choice.  
__Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear._

Shawn threw the house keys on the table as he came in.

The house was quiet, the kids at school. Rebecca was here somewhere and he knew if he was going to tell her, he had to do it straight away. He didn't want to pretend any longer.

"I thought I heard you." Came her voice. She smiled warmly at him. His face couldn't hide the anxiousness that consumed him and she immediately noticed something was wrong. "What is it?" She asked concerned.

He met her gaze. "We need to talk." He said, feeling like a cliché, but not sure how else he could start the conversation with her.

"Okay." She said, calm and collected as always.

He took a few seconds to try and find the words and she waited silently for him. There was no easy way to say this. "I want to..." He stalled. "Um, break up."

He watched her and saw a look of genuine shock appear on her face. She didn't say anything and he felt obliged to feel in the gaps, but didn't want to make matters worse by pushing too much information on her at once.

"I, erm, I though this would be about work." She said awkwardly, laughing gently at her own foolish assumptions. "I thought you were going to say that you wanted to sign another contract. " She was quiet. "I wish you had said that." She added softly.

"It's not you..." Shawn said.

"How can it not be me?" She questioned.

"Because it's not. Your perfect, the same woman I married, but I've changed." She looked at him, eyes threatening to spill tears.

"So what is it? Why can't you love me any more?" She asked.

Shawn felt more torn than ever. He did love Rebecca still, he just was in love with someone else more than her. It wasn't a thing he wanted to tell her either. He didn't want her to have to hear anything that would cause her pain. But there was no way she would get out of this unscathed. He'd made the first cut and now wanted to stem the bleeding. "I do love you. There's no woman in the world I love more."

The look of hurt on her face mutated to one of confusion. "You love me, but you're leaving me? How does that even work?"

"I'm sorry. You've made me into the person I always wanted to be. I'll never love anyone the way I loved you. But it's in the past. I need to move on."

She wiped away the tears that ran down her face. "Just tell me one thing, is there someone else?"

And despite what he had thought about telling her the truth, now wasn't the time to stop lying. Just this one last lie, but at least he didn't have to look her in the face everyday and tell her. "No. I just need to be by myself for a little while."

_Louder, louder and we'll run for our lives,  
__I can hardly speak I understand why you can't raise your voice to say. _

"So?"

"I did it."

"How did it go?"

"It was horrible."

"I'm sorry it's so bad right now. I wish I was with you."

"Me too."

Hunter hated how quiet Shawn was being and knew that he was hurting for what he'd given up. He needed to wait a little longer. To let things settle before they could be together and that would be the hardest thing of all. He'd do all he could to support Shawn while he went through this.

"So where are you staying?"

"I'm home. She's gone back to her parents for a few days with the kids."

"How were the kids?"

"We haven't really said anything to them yet. I think she's gonna make me do it anyway."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you know 'You're the one who's leaving me' kinda deal."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense. You think she'll be okay?" Hunter asked, the reality of what they were doing setting in.

"Yeah, she's strong. Strongest person I know. Not many people can stick it out with me for that long."

Hunter chuckled at Shawn's attempt at humour despite the situation. "In fact, the only person I know stronger is you." Shawn added.

"What?" Hunter asked, somewhat surprised by Shawn's words

"I'm serious. You hang out with a bunch of guys you have nothing in common with except for your love of the business, you get stuck babysitting one member when everyone else goes off to better paid jobs in the more successful company, you eat all the heat from all the crap we did, the crap I did. Come on, no one would have hated you if you hadn't been my friend. But you never took the easy way out. You never abandoned me. You so easily could have. I so don't deserve you."

Hunter was touched by Shawn's words. He wouldn't have felt so at ease talking about this face to face, but a phone call was easier. He didn't have to look in his eyes, see Shawn's face as he spoke even if he knew exactly how he'd look right now. "You deserve me. You've always been the perfect fit with me. You bring out the best in me. Everything I do, I'm better when I'm doing it with you. Everything."

Shawn stayed silent a little while before he spoke again. "So where do you wanna live?"

"Huh?"

"Well I'm gonna let Rebecca have the house, so we can live where ever you want."

"Well you don't wanna leave Texas do you?" Hunter asked. He knew how much Shawn's family meant to him and how he loved the State. Hunter never felt quite so attached to where he lived. It was just a building to him.

"If you want to go somewhere we can."

"I think I'd like to live in Texas with you for a bit."

Silence fell between them again. "I should let you go.

"Okay. Look, I'll call you tomorrow and as soon as I can I'm coming out to see you."

"Yeah, just call first. Just in case Rebecca's here. I don't want her suspecting anything. I'll tell her when you're done with Steph, yeah?"

"I will."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too." Hunter said back. "And listen, just keep thinking about the day I tell Steph. Because once that's done, we'll really be together. Everything will be perfect."

~Fini~

_Have heart my dear, you bound to be afraid  
__even if it's just for a few days making up for all this mess. _


End file.
